Someone wrote to me recently in response to my blog. I appreciate her bravery for sharing how she feels. She speaks for millions of others who experience the same emotionsâ¿and made me think of the following quote:
ââ¿I walked for miles at night along the beach, composing bad blank verse and searching endlessly for someone wonderful who would step out of the darkness and change my life. It never crossed my mind that that person could be me.â Anna Quindlen, author
Many people want someone to âsaveâ them from their unhappy lives. That myth is perpetuated throughout history in stories, fables, fairy tales and other fictionalized illusions. Thatâs not to say there arenât people who find each other and find a way of crafting a meaningful life. But there are many more who search endlessly for the âsoul mateâ who will be everything to them â¿that they refuse to be to themselves.
Absorbing the fact that you are wonderful and that you have the answers within to make your life fabulous is not easy. You hear it, and you think you understand it, but the level of your comments will often reveal a negative, defeatist attitude. The deeper you are stuck in negative thoughts, the harder it is to dig yourself out. When you believe you have no choicesâ¿ and that your problems are someone elseâs faultâ¿ life feels hopeless. In your heart of hearts, you wish someone would come to your rescue.
That someone has to be you. There is a place inside us all that once tapped, is more empowering than we can imagine. Being rescued may seem romantic to some people â¿but I have never seen a relationship work out happily with that kind of foundation. The reality is that the person rescuing you often needs more help than you do.
To stop feeling desperate consider listening to yourself. Start with these 5 questions:
* What do you want? Seriouslyâ¿if you woke up tomorrow and you could have anything you wantedâ¿ that you earned yourselfâ¿ that you felt proud ofâ¿what would that be?
* What are you willing to let go of that is standing in your way?
* When will you make a plan to get what you want?
* How will you hold yourself accountable as you start to implement your plan?
* What action step will you take today?
Try the above. When you give yourself what you need and wantâ¿ itâs amazing how desperation gives way to hopeâ¿and hope quickly grows into empowerment.